“The missus and I have looked like this for over 800 years. Too many young children are afraid of the red face and the white beard. And their older brothers and sisters laugh at us,” Santa said. Mrs. Claus added, “I don’t mind being old, but I do my Jillian Michaels workouts every day. There is no reason for me to look fat!”
Santa explained, “Everything you see up here is run on the imagination of children around the world. They think Santa is a jolly old man who lives at the North Pole and makes toys all year. They believe that I travel around the world in a sleigh pulled by reindeer. The power of their belief works with the Elfish magic to make it so. We’re tired of it, but we can’t do anything about it.”
The leader of the New York delegation stood up and said, “If I catch what your throwing, S. C., you want us to come up with a new look for you two, the whole operation. Then you want us to sell it the children of the world. Make them believe in the new hip Santa. Because, if it works, your mumbo jumbo will bring it all about.”
Santa rose from his red leather desk chair and pounded the table. “Yes!” he shouted, “Yes! That is exactly what we need.” Mrs. Claus rose and put an arm on Santa’s shoulder. She said, “When can you start?”
A group of art directors and graphic designers descended on the North Pole. Santa spent most of his time with the “concept team”, a group of writers and artists who would assemble an entirely new history of the man they were now calling “Claus”.
A staff of engineers produced a prototype vehicle that could transform from race car to jet airplane to submarine for delivering gifts in any terrain.
Top European fashionistas worked with Mrs. Claus, who now went by her new first name, Meredith. She wanted to look like a cross between Helen Mirren and Kim Cattrall. “I want to look good in a red bikini, also,” she had said. They drew up an entire warehouse of clothes for all occasions in her new color scheme of maroon and white.
Claus’ new look featured a shaved head, a white goatee, and a ruby stud in one ear. His 6 foot 4 muscular frame was draped in a skin-tight black satin t-shirt under a maroon leather duster lined with pockets which magically held all the gifts for the good children.
The reindeer were morphed into examples of majestic endangered animals like tigers, to accompany Claus on his Christmas Eve travels.
The toy making operation would be located in a giant airship hovering miles above the surface of the Earth. It would be staffed, not by elves but by pre-teen tech nerds with Apple I-pads.
The makeover crew left with promises of a mid-summer kickoff of he “Claus Campaign”. But when Halloween came and went with no word from New York, Santa called for a progress report.
“Don’t worry about a thing,” he was told by the account executive. “Everything is going according to plan. You will see the first releases no later and December 27th.
Have a Memorable Christmas and a Peaceful New Year.
© 2015 by Michael J. MacArthur