Over the years, I have sent homemade Christmas cards to friends and family. Since I have no talent for art, decoupage or scrapbooking, I tried writing a short (hopefully humorous) holiday story.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

2010 Television Holiday Specials

CNN – Anderson Cooper investigates “Elf Abuse at the North Pole.”

ESPN – The 1170th annual Reindeer Games. Can Blitzen continue his 537-year winning streak?

TNT – A Road House Christmas - Through the magic of CGI, Patrick Swayze and Jeff Healey clean up a soup kitchen being run by an evil social worker.

TBS – A Christmas Story II – Ralphie puts his eye out.

Discovery Channel – On Dirty Jobs, Mike Rowe travels the world picking up reindeer droppings.

Comedy Central – The Futurama Xmas Special. A robot Santa decides that everyone is naughty, and deserves to die for Xmas.

Food Network – Iron Chef Holiday Battle – The chefs compete to make the best Christmas dinner with only $20 in food stamps.

AMC – A Breaking Bad Christmas – Walter negotiates a meth distribution deal with Santa Claus that will set up his family financially. Then he dies.

Lifetime – After Santa is arrested for distributing meth, his wife takes over. Meryl Streep stars as “Ms. Santa.”

History Channel – Keep X in Christmas – A historian points out that since illiterate Celts learned the use “X” as a symbol for Jesus Christ, it is ok to abbreviate the holiday as Xmas.

CNBC – Maria Bartiroma joins Martha Stewart on a tour of the best decorated lobbies of major American corporations.

ABC – On America’s Funniest Home Videos, the best videos of department store Santas getting hit in the crotch are featured.

CBS - On NCIS, someone has stolen the Joint Chiefs of Staff’s Secret Santa List.

NBC – In a special 15-minute episode, Saturday Night Live collects the only truly funny moments of the last few years.

SyFy – Death to Scrooge – Charles Dickens rises from the dead to destroy all of the amateur productions of “A Christmas Carol.:

Fox News Channel – Since he travels the world giving presents to children around the world whether they have earned them or not, the analysts ask, “Is Santa Claus a Socialist?”

MSNBC – Since he sets himself up as the ultimate arbiter or who is naughty and who is nice, the analysts ask, “Is Santa Claus a Fascist?”

C-SPAN – A Charlie Rangel Christmas - Charlis learns that the true meaning of Christmas actually is receiving.

Oddly enough, one of these is true. Send me an e-mail with your guess at limerickster@yahoo.com.